Another Half-Staff Flag

Here we go again
The world spins around
The flag goes up and goes back down

I didn't know what it is about a lowered flag in front of a school that brings out such strong emotions in me.  But today it hit me.  It is because that flag always comes with unanswered questions from innocent children. 

Every morning during the week, a fifth-grade student proudly rushes into the building to grab the flag and raise it on a pole in front of the school.  Often, he is so excited to do so that we have to remind him to walk.  This morning, without prompting that I am aware of, he knew where the flag needed to be.  Yesterday,  a school of 3,000 high school students and their teachers were victims and/or witnesses of a school mass shooting.  And a 10 or 11-year-old student knew about it before breakfast this morning.  It is heart-wrenching as a teacher and as mother to know that these YOUNG children cannot and should not (maybe??? I'm torn) be shielded from the events that took place yesterday.  Tragically, this could have and may one day be their story if things do not change.  So we have to prepare these young children to know what to do if "another school shooting" happens to them.  It feels like we are preparing them for a potential bomb in a time of war.  But they have to know what to do, right? 

The questions I was asked today by a group of 4th grade children were questions no one has trained me to answer.  We are rightly taught that if we don't know the answer to a question, we tell the student we don't know.  It shows them that teachers aren't perfect and we do not know everything and that is okay.  We are lifelong learners who seek to find knowledge when it is lacking.  But what about when your student asks you a question like, "why would someone walk into a school and try to kill a bunch of people?"  I can't just ask Siri that one.  I have to tell them I don't know and that there isn't a logical answer.  Not only is their teacher not perfect.  She doesn't know all the answers.  There is no way to take pride that you stumped your teacher this time.  Today they looked to me to have an answer to their deepest questions and I can't find one.  They want so desperately for me to answer them in a way that makes them comfortable, that eases their anxious fearful little minds a little bit.  But there are no words.  All I can do is say that I am so sorry that they have to feel this way.  I have to tell them it can happen anywhere.  I have to tell them we need to be prepared.  I have to tell them that this is why we tell them not to be silly during a lock-down drill.  I have to tell them it is very important to stay absolutely silent and away from the windows and doors.  I have to tell them that I will do everything in my power to keep them safe if something like that ever happens here.  Then I have to tell them that I don't know what else to say.

Every morning during assembly, right after breakfast and right before our students go to their class, we make promises to each other.  The students say:
As a student of ___________ School
I respect myself and others, too.
I'll be on task, on time, never late.
I'll make good choices
ALWAYS SAFE.
I'll be responsible for every chore.
I'm a ____________ tiger,
HEAR ME ROAR!

And the teachers reply:
As a teacher at ___________ School
I will engage every learner, everyday
In higher order thinking
Through innovative lessons
In a SAFE environment.

What happens if our pledges to each-other are not enough?  What happens if our students keep their promise to be safe, and we keep our promise to maintain a safe environment and it still isn't enough???  I pray that day never comes!!!

The First Breath After Drowning

Disclaimer…not for the faint of heart.  I just started writing.  My heart is heavy and full all at the same time.  I hope this does not come across as insensitive.  Anyone who knows me knows that my greatest strength and weakness is sensitivity.  I feel other’s pain as deeply as possible without living it...blessing and a curse.  So this may bring tears, but I hope the end brings relief like…

 

The First Breath After  Drowning

I’ve never drowned

I’ve never lost someone I love to the water

But I know some who have

And I’ve seen ones who have

And I’ve spent the last few days seeing

And feeling the weight of those who have

And I ache inside for them

I hold my breath as they fight for theirs

I sigh with relief when they take one

I fill with pride for my fellow men and women

 

Who braved the treacherous waters

To lessen the drowning

To give more seconds, or minutes, or days, or hours, or years

To those they pull from the water

I watch in heartbreaking disbelief

A whole city, several cities, a region

Slip into cold muddy water

Hours and years spent building houses

And minutes and hours and days and years

Lived in homes that will never be the same

Memories washed away in the current

Photos, treasures, collections, family keepsakes

…Things

Under inches and feet of RAINDROPS

And to those who swam to shores that were once highways

Or drifted to dry land at the water’s edge

Or lifted into helicopters in baskets

Or dragged into flat-bottom boats

Or floated on refrigerators and mattresses

Or clung to stop signs and telephone poles

The lucky ones whose heavy hearts didn’t sink them

They may never feel dried of the floodwaters again

But they have another chance to take another breath

To live another life

A better life

To find more joy because of the pain they will carry

To share the courage and strength that was shared with them

With others during their storms

I pray that the water on their souls that may never dry

Only brings them a greater purpose

A reason to fight harder than the current

A reason to love deeper than the floodwaters

A reason to flow as peacefully as the receding tide

A reason to speak words that were once muffled

A reason to swim the rocky waters



Not all were gifted with the dramatic rescue

The crowd of those left behind were blessed with something

FAR GREATER

Their first breath after drowning was heavenly

It was perfection

And will be forevermore

The muddy waters were instantly dried

They were met with instant warmth from the cold

Infinite joy abounded

Their party wasn’t a heavyhearted celebration

But a never-ending fiesta

They weren’t yanked ashore by rescuers

But ushered in by a shepherd

Who led them to STILL WATERS

Refreshing to their soul

Their first warm meal

Was a banquet

They needed no blanket to warm cold bones

They were wrapped in clouds of grace

And arms of love

And joy abounding

And waves of mercy

And waves of grace

Their first breath after drowning

Was weightless!

What a blessing that will be.

How I do it ALL

Summary of what may (or may not) be a lengthy post...that may or may not be read by many people...who may or may not find it interesting...

I DON'T do it all...OR NOT "ALL OF IT" is getting done.
I can't tell you how many times I have heard recently, "How do you have time to do everything?"  
There is no quick answer to that question, so here is the not so quick version.  I am certainly not doing it all.  Here is a picture of my life right now.
Yesterday- 

• I woke up and took a shower while my amazing rockstar of a husband (insert this superlative anytime I refer to Brian) woke up Shea (my two-year-old son), took him potty, got him in his high chair, started Mickey Mouse Clubhouse to keep him company while he ate his pop tarts, fed our two dogs, woke up Patten (our six-month-old) and changed his diaper, laid him in his swing, and made him a bottle for me to feed him while Brian took a shower.  Summary: Brian got most of it done.
• After getting himself ready, as I finished feeding Patten his bottle, Brian gathered up all of the stuff we needed to take with us for the day.  This included: all of Patten's bottles he needed for the day, both of the boys' winter jackets, Shea's backpack, and everyone's lunches (that he had packed for us the night before).  Patten finished his bottle. Then I helped Shea put both of the dogs in their crates, give them their treats, and turn on the radio to ESPN for some sports-centered background noise.
• Side note: on more than one occasion, I have forgotten to secure the doors to their crates on the times that Shea shuts them before I get there.  Because of course, everyone knows a two-year-old knows how to latch a dog's crate without assistance. NOT!  The most recent time we came home to both dogs in our bed with no damage, but other times we were not so lucky.  One of the other times, our dogs decided to snack on our comforter. Not everything got done.
  
• My suitcase still lies open on my floor halfway unpacked from our Christmas vacation we got back from right after Christmas...something that didn't get done.
• First day back with my students since Winter Break-surprisingly no catastrophes.  I realized I actually missed those little stinkers of mine so it was nice to see them again.  I am getting to co-teach, or whatever the new term for what I am doing is, with a teacher I love who I haven't gotten to teach with yet, and I am pretty excited about it.  I had to confess to the students that I will be learning along with them.  I had to beg two different professors for Cs in both of my history classes in college because it is my weakest subject.  I almost got a D in 2 classes, and I am an A student!!! Bring on the high school history!  I think I will be learning along with them.  I had to share with my students that I am not perfect.
•  We got home and Brian and I split the "when we get home" chores pretty evenly I think.  Brian got the laundry started. I unloaded the dishwasher and re-loaded the dirty bottles and sippy cups.  Shea went back to his high chair for his afternoon snack and Mickey, which Patten has already developed a liking for.
• I got started on some of my sewing projects while Brian played with the boys.  I had to clear off enough of the table to make room for my project.  The organizing of the table and cleaning of the kitchen will have to wait.
• Brian made a yummy chicken and rice dinner for us.  I don't do it all. 
• I did an online video chat session with some other folks from the National Seizure Disorder Foundation.  It lasted a little over an hour.  During this time, Brian tucked Shea into bed. Sidenote: Shea is finally going to sleep in his own bed and sleeping there all night long until we wake him up in the morning!  What a long way we have come from the sleepless nights not too long ago.  By the time I was done it was time for Patten to have his pre-bedtime bottle.  Have I said how amazing he was, yet?
• Brian and I watched a Netflix documentary and went to bed to get ready for another day of the craziness.

Today-

• Morning looked much the same as yesterday and many days before.  :)
• School 
• Met Brian at Outback for dinner because we had gift cards.  Our boys were little angels, which they often are when we go out.  Patten stayed in his car seat in the sling and quietly looked around the restaurant.  Shea had fairly sophisticated conversations with us about how he pooped in the potty two times at daycare today.  I hope the older people behind us were not mid-bite when he decided to exclaim it proudly.  Then he shared with us his desires to be an umpire like his daddy.  Now he is at home practicing just that.
• As soon as I walked in the door and got settled I changed into my penguin PJs and Frozen sweatshirt.
  
• Remember how I told you he pooped in the potty twice while he was at school?  Well he did not gift us the same opportunity at home.  He decided the living room was the perfect place this time.  

Here is the moral of the story.  I have done some thinking.  I think judging from my posts about teaching, one might imagine I am one of those teachers that starts every day smiling and welcoming her students in with hugs, the one that stands at the front of the class and without a word draws all focused eyes and quiet mouths, the one who has her lessons neatly written in a lesson plan book, the one that has everything in organized little folders, the one that loves every minute of her job.  Sometimes I am some of those things...scratch that, I am only occasionally some of those things.  But I love my students, so there's that.

I think  judging from my posts about parenting, you may think I am mother of the year, that I read books to my boys all day long, that my house is clean and Shea's knows where each of his toys are to go at the end of the day, that they are both in bed by 8:30 and sleep through the night.  None of those things are true.  But I love those boys like crazy.

I think judging by my posts about sewing and crocheting, you may think,  "how does she have time for that?"  You may think I don't sleep, that I have a cozy little craft room with cute little cabinets to show off all of my quilts and fabric and yarn.  The truth is I don't have a craft room so all of my half-finished or only-dreamed-up-but-not-started projects are kind of taking over the house.  I have only made 2 blankets for our family.  I am too busy making fun things for other people.  I have the kitchen table half covered with my quilt-in-progress.  But I feel that what my yarn and fabric turn into are kind of worth the clutter.  They make me happy and make other people happy, too.

So here is the real truth.  Yes, recently I have been very busy.  I have made quite a few mermaid tails.  I have crocheted some hats and blankets.  My sewing machine has been busy making quilts.  And I have blogged on a semi-regular basis (but it doesn't take long because I don't take time to edit it, what you see is what you get).

I have done a lot.  But I have certainly not done it all.

PS-This post was inspired by a post I read by Olivia Muenter called What I Instagramed Vs. What Was Really Happening, or my Entire Life Is a Lie...worth reading for sure.

16 NOT RESOLUTIONS for 2016

I don't like the whole concept of New Year's resolutions.  I mean, I get it.  I know that people see it as as a fresh start, a chance to be a different you.  To many people, they see the end of the calendar as a chance to be a new person.  It is as if everything that happened before now is gone.  What happened before January 1st, 2016, never happened.  It is the year 2016.  Blank slate.  New me.

It may be a fresh start but it isn't a start over.  This year I will not be making New Year's resolutions.
If I was, here is what they would be:

1. Have a clean house every night before I go to bed.
2. Read through my Bible in a year.
3. Run at least 20 miles a week so I can run a half marathon in under an hour in the half Ironman relay this May.
4. Drink only 2 Cokes a week.
5. Have both of my boys tucked in for the night by 8:30.

None of these resolutions individually are outside of the realm of possibility.  However, I am pretty sure that, to accomplish all of these, I would need to be 3 people, I think.  I may be able to do these for a couple months if I worked really hard at it.  But somewhere in the midst of resolving to make these happen, I will lose myself.  Something would have to give.  For all of these things to happen, I would have to let go of other things that I love-time with my boys, sleep, caffeine, confidence, reality, and sanity.

Instead, I resolve to see the new year in a different way.  For me, it will just be a turned page.  All that I have written before with my life is still there.  The mistakes I have made, the milestones I have reached, the people I have hurt, the people I have reached, the times I have been lazy, the times I have overcome, the good, the bad, and the ugly.  None of it went away.  It is not a new chapter either.  It is just the turn of a page.  Another new day.  So from my heart to yours, HAPPY NEW DAY, my friends!

Instead of resolutions, I have created goals.  My goals are within the realm of  possibility.  None of them say "every day no matter what."  They are not destinations to reach, but things to reach for.  There is no opportunity to be hard on myself, lose confidence in my abilities, or feel like a failure.  They are just things I would like to focus on as I move into the new year.  So here  goes!  This year I plan to...

1. Be more positive and content with the here and now.  Those of you who know me well, or have read my blog recently, know that I have desires to move my life in a different direction.  Instead of focusing on where I want to go, I want to focus on where I am.  I love my life, right here and now.  Truly, I do.  I have my family and that is all I need.  Sometimes I am so focused on the fact that I am not where I am going, that I forget how good I have it NOW.  I would like to be content with the place God has me, now, while I look forward to where I hope I can be down the road.
2. Read and reflect on AT LEAST one Bible verse a day.  I think that almost every year since I first accepted Christ into my life, I have made my "New Year's resolution" either to read the whole Bible in a year, or to have a "Quiet Time" every day.  It didn't take too long to fall short of that resolution, which led me to feel like a "bad Christian."  That  whole "bad Christian" stuff is a lie from the devil, but creating and failing in my "resolution" played a part in me believing it.  I plan on spending much more time in the Word than I did last year, but reflecting on one verse a  day at the  will do wonders for my spiritual walk.
3. Make prayer a priority.
4. Perform at least one intentional act of service per day for my family.
5. Spend quality time with each of my boys individually so they each feel wholly loved.
   
6. Read one new book and one old book to my boys every day.  We do a lot of reading in this house.  Shea loves to read books.  However, he memorizes books VERY QUICKLY and has favorites that he wants to read over  and over again.  After trying to make room for new toys after Christmas, I realized we have a TON of books that we have never read to the boys.  So I plan on reading a new book every day to the boys before reading a book they have heard hundreds of times.
7. Work on my areas of weakness-forgetfullness, lack of focus, distractability, and absent-mindedness.
8. Be more accepting of my shortcomings.  I have a bad habit of beating myself up when I make a mistake.  I am even critical of myself when I do things out of my control.  Sometimes my medications or epilepsy cause me to say the wrong words, or forget what I am doing or talking about.  When I feel my mistakes are affecting other people, I let it get to me much more than I should.  I need to learn to shake things off and move on.
9. Complete at least one custom creative project, and one personal creative project per month.  Recently, I have been doing so many custom projects that I have not been able to complete any of the ideas floating around in my head for either my family, my online store (that I have closed temporarily due to the abundance of custom orders), or myself.
10. Train to run the WHOLE half marathon running portion of my leg of the Half Ironman.  At one point of my life, running WAS my life.  But that feels like a whole lifetime ago.  I ran competitively all the way up through college.  However, running hasn't really been much a part of my life anymore since Shea was born.  At the beginning of this school year, I was asked to complete the running portion of a relay half marathon race.  It is taking place in May and  I am just now getting back into running.  I don't have any time goal, but I do want to aim for running the whole race.
11. Drink less Coke than last year.  I have never even TRIED to stop drinking Cokes.  I know there is no way I could do that.  I love me a good glass or  bottle of Coke...mmmmm.  But I know they are not good for me.  So this year, I plan to drink less Coke than I did last year.  
12. Be more  organized.  I just wrote a whole blog post about this.  Go read it if you feel like it.  I thought it was pretty exciting.
13. Document my accomplishments. I think writing down my accomplishments will make me feel more positive and confident and proud.  I am going to do so in Milo...don't know who Milo is?  Go see.
14. Take better pictures of my work.  Believe it or not, those who don't know me or haven't known me for long, I once had a photography business.  I was pretty good at it.  I loved it.  But now I love a lot of things much more than I love taking pictures.  But I know from experience that taking good pictures of the things that I make will make a huge difference in the amount of sales that I make.  I have been skipping this step and taking pictures with my phone because I am too excited to take the extra step of taking good pictures to show off what I make.  I just take a quick snap with my phone and post it.  And oftentimes I have to write below it that it is even cooler in person than in the picture, or the colors are different in person.  I know I could sell much more if I had high-quality pictures to show the products just as my clients will see them.  Like these pictures that Lorie took of some of my blankets that are still
15. Have one month where my profit from my creative endeavors equals at least half of my teaching salary.  This is quite a lofty goal.  But my last goal is how I am going to get there.
16. Increase social media presence.  Some of you may not like this idea.  Some of my friends and my family may be a little tired of seeing my blog posts and pictures and crocheted blankets and quilts.  I get it.  However, if you are, now would be a good time to unfriend me.  My feelings won't be hurt.  But count on more of it in the coming year.  I am not doing all of these posts to make myself look better or to show off.   If that is the way it is coming across, I am  sorry.  But this is all just what it will take to get me from where I am to where I want to be.  My dream is to be able to make my side job into my job-job.  To get there, I have to put myself out there as much as possible.  So please be patient with me.  If, on the other hand, you like what you see, share it with all of your Facebook friends.  Pin my pictures on Pinterest.  Re-tweet my tweets.  Tag people on my Instagram pictures.  Make me busy.   Here is what last year looked like and what I want this year to look like.  And as I said before, these aren't resolutions, just goals to aim for. 

• Pinterest was my biggest area of growth.  Without focusing on gaining Pinterest followers, I somehow have 4,000 Pinterest followers.  Let me get this straight.  This does not mean that many people like my work, just that they like what I am pinning (it probably helps that I have 7300 pins, oops, don't judge).  For that reason, please pin and re-pin the pictures that you like from my blog.  The more you pin, the more people see what I make.  
• My goal is to increase my followers from 4000 to 10,000 by the end of the year.
• Facebook is where I get the most blog traffic from.  Most of my posts are read because one of you clicked on the link on my Facebook page.  If you know someone who would like my post or something I made, share the link with them or tag them in the post.  The more the merrier.  My Scrap Stash Studio Facebook page is something I have neglected.  I will update it more frequently this year.  When I do, I hope to go from 82 page  likes to at least 500 this year.
• I really hope to focus a lot on my blog this year.  I love to write and share my life with family, friends, and strangers.  My goal (not my resolution) is to write at least 3 posts per week.  I hope somewhere along the way I learn how to monetize my blog, but that isn't a must.  
• Here is an overview of my blog this year.  This year I had 5,685 views of my blog.  I averaged 470 views a month.  
• Here are the numbers for my top 5 most read posts:
• Work-in-Progress Wednesday (285 views)- This post focused on my Mermaid Tails that have been very popular.  This was the post that was on my blog when I received the most traffic.  This happened after Ginger Wesson (who has a very popular You-Tube Channel), shared the Mermaid Tail that I made for her.  
• Fed Up Friday (278 views)-This post was about my thoughts and feelings regarding the United States supreme court decision to allow same-sex marriage.  It was written while I was pregnant with Patten and therefore very emotionally raw and unapologetic.
• Sometimes Life is a Pill (210 views)-This post was about my journey with epilepsy and my quest for medicine that worked for me.  It was a story of ups and downs and real life.  It also drew extra views because it was featured on National Seizure Disorder Foundation's website.
• To teachers, moms, and  my high school crazies (209 views)-This was a post about the realities of being a teacher and the realities of being a mom who is a teacher.  I wrote this in response to a post from a mom writing to her children's teachers.
• Life in the Strauss House (133 views)-This is just a post about life in the Strauss house.
• There are two common themes in the top five posts on my blog.  I connected with people.  And I was real.  I think that is what people are interested in reading.  So this year I plan to make connections and be real.

HAPPY NEW DAY, my friends!

What are your GOALS or RESOLUTIONS for 2016?

Christmas Eve in ICU

Read the Facebook post I am sharing first. It is SUPER IMPORTANT...especially for the mommies and soon-to-be mommies I know. This shared post is from my mother in law. That means this post is about my father in law...who I love. We got a call on Friday morning on our way out of town that Bruce was in the hospital because he couldn't breathe...next update was he was put on a ventilator...then that he had bacteria in his blood...all extremely scary updates to be getting when we are on the other side of the country for Christmas. And all of this because of a rare strain of influenza. All of which could have been prevented if that strain had been wiped out by shots that are available to every child but some parents are scared to give their kids. There are consequences for more than just your child if you decide not to give them life-saving and others-saving vaccines.

Thanks for hanging in there Brucey...hope you enjoyed your 5 day nap. Love you!

Merry Christmas, my friends!

We're still in LOVE

This wonderful man doesn't have a facebook so I can't tag him. But I have to share just how much I love him. I don't say this to brag but to tell you that this kind of love exists and not to settle for anything less. It has been exactly 5 years since this moment when he looked at me in this picture as I walked down the aisle. And he still looks at me like that. Five years after our wedding day we are even more in love than we were then. We first met in January of 2008 and look at us now. Back then we were just college students all wrapped up in giddy feelings and butterflies and "young love." Full of "I love yous" and "I love you more." And now we are parents full of the same things.
No, those moments are not as often as before. Now we have grown up jobs.  We have many more bills and I'm not talking dollars. We have a nonstop 2-year-old bundle of energy and a cuddly bundle of cuteness that still cries a lot. We have lots of dirty diapers and wet or dry pull ups. Bed time doesn't start when we are ready to go to sleep. We have two hyper dogs, lots of laundry, a load of dishes every night. We have lots of doctors appointments. Getting ready for work isn't a 20 minute process but now about an hour long ordeal. And there isn't anyone I would rather spend the madness with.
Because in the midst of all of the craziness, when our eyes meet it looks just like that picture. We laugh at the mess and roll our eyes and blow each other a kiss.
On a roadtrip like the one we are on now with a crying 5 month old in the back and a 2 year old trying to drown out the cries with his singing and having to turn off the music because it is just too much, he reaches over to hold my hand.
Life is still crappy sometimes. It gets hard and messy and downright sad sometimes. We get homesick. We get mad then we get over it. We stress out then realize it's not a big deal in the big scheme of things. Life isn't easy. It's not perfect. I'm not perfect. He's not perfect. But together we are perfect.

6 Reasons I am NOT Depressed

I honestly don't think I could be any happier than I am right now, or any more content, or excited about the future.

Over Thanksgiving break, I had family and friends here I don't get to see very often staying in my house.  I have an amazing husband who is an answer to many prayers I prayed long before we met at Scenic Land School. 

I have two incredible boys who are growing and changing and learning faster than I can blink my eyes.  And I feel blessed that I am getting to watch that happen. 

Without really thinking about it, the spirit of Thanksgiving swept over me like a gust of wind and shifted my perspective.  I am not a pessimist, but lately I have been seeing the wrong side of things. 
Yet, I seem to have it all straightened out in my mind. 

1.The world is not primarily dark.  Yes, there is evil and hate in the world.  There is lots of it.  The latest mass-murders in San Bernardino, California have made that all too clear.  But light and love still shine stronger.  Lately, I have noticed the stars.  My son asks to go see them every time we get home after dark.  He stares up at the sky and says, "Jesus made that."

2. No, I don't always love my job.  But I love the people I do my job for.  No, I didn't miss my work over Thanksgiving break, but I did miss the young people I try to serve.  No, I didn't miss their snarky attitudes or their laziness.  But when I go more than two days without my students, I find myself wondering if they were having a good Thanksgiving, too. 

3. Yes, my oldest son is two.  And yes, he can sometimes exhibit the stereotypical behaviors of one who is two.  But I am treasuring watching him learn to be a person.  I love his incessant drive to do exactly what he wants to do with every ounce of seemingly endless energy he possesses.

I love seeing his passion for baseball build without any persuasion from his baseball-obsessed father.  I love watching my husband as he watches his son fall in love with the game he loves.

  I love the way Shea loves and protects and shows genuine concern for his baby brother. 

4. I love Shea's baby brother, Patten.  There is not much learn or observe about him yet.  But what I have learned and observed about him, I love.  I love his little neck rolls, and leg rolls, and arm rolls.  I love his squishy chunky cheeks, with or without his dry flakey skin.  I love his quick, not-quite-yet laugh and his open-mouthed smile.  And I love how his favorite person to watch is his big brother.

5. Yes, there are a lot more family members that couldn't be with us for Thanksgiving than the ones that could.  And yes, it would be much easier and more convenient for all of the people we love to be one big happy family all living just around the corner.  But for more reasons than one, that just isn't the case.  But how blessed are we to have so many loved ones to miss?

6. Sure, there are plenty of things I would change if I could.  But I have way more things that I wouldn't change FOR THE WORLD!

Despite all the stress, and the oftentimes mess, and the things that would leave any person depressed, the one thing I am feeling right now is BLESSED!

PS-The family photos were shot this weekend by my friend, Lorie.  She is an amazing photographer.  She will take your photos, too!
Check out her website.
http://lorieallison.com/

Monday Memories

How come we forget to say hi
Until we have to say goodbye
We always remember to snap selfies
But forget to capture true moments
I used to wonder if I was missed the moments
In pursuit of a picture
Until I searched for a picture of a moment
And didn't find one
And with those other pictures I scrolled through
The moments came flooding back

Like being almost perfect...make that good enough

 

Like our last Christmas at "home"

What running in a college meet felt like...a blur

The moment I knew he was the man I would marry

Yep, that was the one
HE was the one
Right there on a miserably cold hike
On a trail we were not supposed to be on

Walking down a bridge toward a future unknown

Learning what real teaching looks like

And wishing I could relive it again

Tasting victory for the first time in a while

Becoming a part of a new family

The family photo that wasn't complete without him

And will never be quite as complete again

Memories of front porch sitting

That time when he got down on his knee

And I said yes

And THIS FEELING

And TRUE DEEP stand-the-test-of-time-and-distance kind of friendship

And that first dance with THAT boy that won't be the last

Baby makes three

And one more makes four

But what about those moments not captured?
The ones that you can't quite grasp?
There is just a little taste
But you want more
Guess I need to take more pictures

If Only Hashtags Could HEAL

I wrote this angry prayer not so long ago after the terrorist attacks in Paris. But it seems the #hashtags# keep coming. The latest one I saw was #HealOurOrLANDo plastered across a billboard in Chattanooga.  A touching gesture and attempt at       solidarity. One city struck by terrorism extending an embrace to another now facing the same hoping a billboard means something. What else is there to do? Yes, it happened here, too. We know the pain of having to say, "stuff like that just doesn't happen here." That statement is beginning to lose its shock value. Too many people have said the same thing. But what can we do? Now we both have a hashtag to go with our city. How tragic it is that cities are literally trending by terrorism? #Orlando is no longer just recordings of vacation memories. It's no longer just smiling faces by the beach. Now is survivor photos, memorial photos, photos of people sobbing,  artistic expressions of grief. What can we do? I know. We will give it a clever hashtag. That will fix it.

#If Only Hastags Could Heal#

They were just out for a night on the town
#OrlandoUnited

They were just raising a toast at an office party.
#SanBernadino

They just wanted to rock out to their favorite band
They were just enjoying a pleasant meal
#PrayingForParis

They were just getting pumped for the big game
They were just cheering on the OSU Cowboys
#HomeGoingParade

They were just going to class
They were just perusing degrees for a shot at the American Dream
#Umpqua

They were just reporting the news
They were just preparing for their big day
#LiveNotAlive

They were just doing their jobs
They were just enjoying time home between deployments
#ChattanoogaStrong

They were just going to church to learn how to be more like you
They were just black
#ChurchInCharleston

They were just going to see a movie
They were just enjoying their popcorn and Coke
#CheckYourAssaultRifleAtTheDoorCinemas

They were just going to school
They were just little kids
#SandyHookStudents

#WHYisKillingPeopleTrending



PS-I really pray from the bottom of my heart that this doesn't make anyone doubt the God that I pray to or his goodness or his faithfulness or his love. My prayer is that you know it's okay to ask why.  Jesus asked why that time, too. I figure if he can pray an angry prayer I can, too. But don't ask me why, God hasn't answered me yet.

6 Reasons Why I Loved "The Snoopy Movie

1. I loved the COMPANY.  My two-year-old has been struggling to have "nice hands" at daycare lately.  He seemed to have gotten over his biting phase...knock on wood...and transferred right into hitting his friends for no reason. This has been one frustrated embarrassed mommy/teacher. But with the promise of seeing "The Snoopy Movie," as he likes to call it, he "turned it around." This week he has had nice hands and a nice mouth. So this afternoon a dear friend of ours watched our four-month-old and Mommy and Daddy took Shea on his first solo date since becoming a big brother. He even lugged his new Snoopy to the movie with him. Insert awwwwwes here.

His old Snoopy had to be banished to his closet because he had chewed on its nose for so many nights we were afraid he would chew it off in his sleep. Pause in remembrance of "Blue Snoop Dog." Thanks Blake and Kaitlyn for the dearly beloved almost furless friend.

2. Charlie Brown and Snoopy love baseball just like Shea.

3. Snoopy looked oh so cuddly. I am not obsessed with animation or special effects or design, but all of those things in this movie were fantastic! Despite having very modern animation, it still seemed very comic-cartoonish. We watched the 2-D version of the movie so Shea and I wouldn't have seizures, and still Snoopy looked like you could reach out and touch him. For some reason I noticed that Snoopy had just enough peach fuzz on the top of his head to make him appear petable.  

4. It seems my teacher friends and I aren't the only ones who hate standardized testing. But they still threw in "standardized testing type vocabulary," like diversified portfolio, conspire, aerodynamic, intellectual superiority, reproach. Get those kids ready for the ACT early why doncha. 

5. Charlie Brown had a pretty cool quilt on his bed.

6. Spoiler alert- sometimes the good guy gets the girl.

Best laid plans...

My dear friend just wrote a post about what it feels like to teach future generations of young people (If any of my students are reading this, that is what you are so stop complaining that a teacher is calling you that. It is a term of endearment.) Go read what she said before you read what I said....

https://molleeshannon.wordpress.com/2015/11/05/making-bootstraps-out-of-bare-feet/

Seriously...read before you proceed!

I have taught far too many "Sadies" than I would like to believe in just five years of teaching.  They have different stories. Their baggage is different.  Their pain originates from different circumstances. Their stereotypes have different lingos.  They speak a different language.  Their yo is a y'all and their glock is a rifle. They come from different types of "rough neighborhoods." The thorn in their side comes from a different vine. But the stories are the same...empty plates, absent fathers, incarcerated mothers, pain that is driven to addictions, insecurity that breeds disorders, neglect that leads to rebellion.  

I tell these students to turn their circumstances into motivation to succeed. The question is, will that success be enough to change the direction of their future? I sure as heck hope so...and pray so...and NEED so.

I would love to say that teaching them is a joy, that I love going to work every day. At times that is true. But it is also painful and exhausting at other times.  Seeing progress in these students is exhilarating.  My heart races when I see something has finally "clicked" in those hardened minds. Sadly, I must admit that often a voice whispers, "I hope the world doesn't break them."  And I do that often, I hope. And I pray. And I love them. Because what else is there to do but love them and teach them?

And hope and pray that my lessons and prayers will be enough.

PS-Now let me say this before I get hate mail: this is not just about the small town that I teach in. I am not saying that this is every child I teach. I am not even saying that this is the majority of my students.  There are amazing parents and hard-working families whose love comes in the form of taking on every extra shift they can get to provide for their families and wishing they could be home more than they are.  There are many students who go home to stable happy homes filled with love and enrichment and home-cooked meals. Many students come to school with full bellies and hearts, eager to learn and take the world by storm. More power to ya...that was me, too. But it is this other group of students that weighs heavy on my heart at night because they don't have all of those things.  

And I say y'all, too, it was just a play on words. I'm not hating. This is my community I'm writing about. I'm raising my kids here, too.  I just pray that somewhere along the way something or someone figures out how to ensure that hard work and determination and dedication lead to some form of success for EVERY CHILD...EVERYWHERE...not just in my tiny corner of rural America.

I would be YELLOW

If I was a color, I would be yellow...

No, not in the physical sense of the word.  I do not want yellow skin.  I don't wish to be jaundice.  I would like to keep a healthy liver, thank you very much.  That jaundice is a messy thing.  No bilirubin lights for me...parents of premie babies, you know what I mean.  I have been there.  Click here to read the story of our little NICU baby.

I mean if I could personify a color, it would be yellow. 

Yellow is the color of sunshine.

Yellow is bright and fun and not scared to stand out.

Yellow says, "here I am.  Take it or leave it."

Yellow is unapologetic.  What you see is what you get.

Yellow tends to be a bit obnoxious.  Oh well.  See if I care.

Yellow is, "uplifting and illuminating, offering hope, happiness, cheerfulness and fun."...according to psychologists that is.

Yellow is the color of creativity, and I would like to think I am creative...if I do say so myself.  I may not be a lot of things, but creative is one thing I am.

Yellow is speedy...this is both a strength and weakness.  When I get an idea in my head I tend to chase after it with abandon.  This drive has proven to be my greatest strength at times, andmy biggest flaw at others.  It gets me to my destination faster, be it victory or defeat.

Yellow is impulsive.

Yellow is great for children.  It grabs the attention of the minds of kiddos who are always on the move.  It is the color of youth.  "Tiny humans" like it.  And I am a HUGE fan of "tiny humans."
            And for those of you who thought that was a Grey's Anatomy reference, it was.  I love that
            show, even though they keep killing off my favorite characters (spoiler alert).

And, last but not least, yellow is the color of smiley face stickers.  Who doesn't love a good ole smiley face sticker?

Some scientific findings about color came from THIS WEBSITE.  I found this website to be very informative.

Tuesday-Time for Bed

First I would like to say thanks to Dolly Parton and her Imagination Library.  She has blessed our family with fresh children's literature on a monthly basis for both of our boys once a month.  She gives these paper treasures simply out of the kindness of her own heart and a passion for childhood literacy. And I am truly convinced that she has a staff of individuals whose sole mission is to conduct research of exactly what a family is going through at each month of development. Either that, or she has hired a team of authors and illustrators to peer through the windows of the Strauss house each evening and document our lives in entertaining little storybooks.

The comforting truth must be that we aren't in this alone. We aren't the only family with a two-year-old son who only recently started sleeping in his own bed all night and a newborn still sleeping in a bassinet in our room. We aren't the only parents still having to tuck our toddler back into his bed multiple times a night.

Last night was only the third night in a row that we woke Shea up in the morning in his own bed AFTER our alarm went off.

So this month's delivery of the book "Back to Bed, Ed" by Sebastien Braun was a celebration of the three consecutive nights of successful sleeping before we have a relapse, perhaps later tonight.

But for now, I will just be catching up on some episodes of The League with my husband until one of our boys decides to wake up...or fall out of the bed like Shea did in the middle of me writing this post.

Goodnight, my friends.

Feel Good Friday

It is pretty shocking just how far a few nice words can go. There are times in life where we all feel unappreciated, unnoticed, inefficient, degraded, disrespected, useless, unimportant, or ignored. Sometimes it goes beyond that. Sometimes we check out. We harden our hearts so they don't get broken. We disconnect, because "what's the point?" We give up because "what's the use in trying?" We stop caring because it seems we are the only one who does. We stop trying because we have felt the pain of falling short.
We begin to give just enough because no one seems to see when we go above and beyond the call of duty. We begin to just show up because we think no one would even notice if we were gone. We begin to crawl into our shell because at least there we are safe. We begin to close our eyes in fear of what we may see.
As soon as we close our eyes we lose sight of the bigger picture. The world disappears as we try to run from it. The target begins to blur. The image gets fuzzy. The result seems dark. But then something reminds us the picture isn't developed yet. We forget we are still in the darkroom.
...Then someone opens the door and shows us the picture we have created. They remind us of our purpose. They tell us "you ARE appreciated, you DO belong, you are here for a reason, I see you."
And those words of encouragement come just in time.
And we give it another shot.
So today I am paying it forward.
YOU MATTER.
YOU BELONG.
DON'T GIVE UP.
IT'S WORTH ALL THE EFFORT.
SOMEONE NOTICES.
SOMEONE NEEDS YOU.
THERE IS A REASON FOR ALL OF THIS.
SOMEDAY YOU WILL SEE IT.
KEEP ON KEEPING ON.
JUST KEEP SWIMMING.
JUST DO IT.
JUST DO YOU AND BE YOU.
And in the words of my philosophical, hysterical, handsome, rapper of a husband, "God's got chu, guuuurl!"
       ....or guy.
Don't give up.
PS-Thanks for being there just when I needed you, with just what I needed to hear. Just do you-"forget" what they have to say.
Insert verb of choice.
You're a rockstar in my book. You know who you are.

Ramblings from a Rare Morning in Bed

It is 8:32 am on a Saturday morning and I am still laying in bed.

Alone. What? That hasn't happened many times in the last 2 plus years.

(Sidenote, I am only alone because Brian is facilitating an elementary school robotics competition downtown. Don't worry. We are still happily married.)

I doubt this moment of my life will last until the end of this blog post, but I will give it a shot. The house is quiet-ish. Two-and-a-half-month-old Patten is wide awake in his pack and play in our room, entertaining himself staring at the ceiling and kicking his legs like he is running a marathon but going nowhere. If you know Patten, you know he is the loudest quiet baby in the world. He is almost in a constant state of mild snoring wide awake or asleep. And on top of his wide-awake snoring, he has the hiccups. And it is pretty adorable. And my two dogs, Cindy-Lu (pit bull) and Roscoe (wire-haired terrier mutt) are ready to go outside but they are going to have to wait. I am not ready to disturb the peace. 

This is about as quiet as this house will ever be.

Shea (two year old son) almost never sleeps in his bed all night. We practically have a party on mornings where we wake him up from his Mickey Mouse Clubhouse bed. Those mornings are few and far between. But he is still under those Mickey Covers snuggled up to his Snoopy. My mind is still blown.

It's not like he was up super late or anything. Unfortunately he normally doesn't go to sleep until about 9 anyways. And last night he dozed off about that time. We were babysitting our friends' two little ones while they went out on a date because last weekend they did the same for us. 

Their little angels were both asleep at about 7:30 and 7:32. We put them in their cribs and walked out the door and they fell asleep on their own. Parenting points to the Carmos.

The Strauss family fell asleep on the Carmo couch at about 9, halfway through Toy Story. Love vet that movie!

Thats about all I've got to say this morning. Just sharing my giddiness at the rare morning in bed with whoever cares to listen. I think I will lay here until one of my darling boys forces me out of bed. 

2 minutes later...

PATTEN WINS!