6 Reasons I am NOT Depressed

I honestly don't think I could be any happier than I am right now, or any more content, or excited about the future.

Over Thanksgiving break, I had family and friends here I don't get to see very often staying in my house.  I have an amazing husband who is an answer to many prayers I prayed long before we met at Scenic Land School. 

I have two incredible boys who are growing and changing and learning faster than I can blink my eyes.  And I feel blessed that I am getting to watch that happen. 

Without really thinking about it, the spirit of Thanksgiving swept over me like a gust of wind and shifted my perspective.  I am not a pessimist, but lately I have been seeing the wrong side of things. 
Yet, I seem to have it all straightened out in my mind. 

1.The world is not primarily dark.  Yes, there is evil and hate in the world.  There is lots of it.  The latest mass-murders in San Bernardino, California have made that all too clear.  But light and love still shine stronger.  Lately, I have noticed the stars.  My son asks to go see them every time we get home after dark.  He stares up at the sky and says, "Jesus made that."

2. No, I don't always love my job.  But I love the people I do my job for.  No, I didn't miss my work over Thanksgiving break, but I did miss the young people I try to serve.  No, I didn't miss their snarky attitudes or their laziness.  But when I go more than two days without my students, I find myself wondering if they were having a good Thanksgiving, too. 

3. Yes, my oldest son is two.  And yes, he can sometimes exhibit the stereotypical behaviors of one who is two.  But I am treasuring watching him learn to be a person.  I love his incessant drive to do exactly what he wants to do with every ounce of seemingly endless energy he possesses.

I love seeing his passion for baseball build without any persuasion from his baseball-obsessed father.  I love watching my husband as he watches his son fall in love with the game he loves.

  I love the way Shea loves and protects and shows genuine concern for his baby brother. 

4. I love Shea's baby brother, Patten.  There is not much learn or observe about him yet.  But what I have learned and observed about him, I love.  I love his little neck rolls, and leg rolls, and arm rolls.  I love his squishy chunky cheeks, with or without his dry flakey skin.  I love his quick, not-quite-yet laugh and his open-mouthed smile.  And I love how his favorite person to watch is his big brother.

5. Yes, there are a lot more family members that couldn't be with us for Thanksgiving than the ones that could.  And yes, it would be much easier and more convenient for all of the people we love to be one big happy family all living just around the corner.  But for more reasons than one, that just isn't the case.  But how blessed are we to have so many loved ones to miss?

6. Sure, there are plenty of things I would change if I could.  But I have way more things that I wouldn't change FOR THE WORLD!

Despite all the stress, and the oftentimes mess, and the things that would leave any person depressed, the one thing I am feeling right now is BLESSED!

PS-The family photos were shot this weekend by my friend, Lorie.  She is an amazing photographer.  She will take your photos, too!
Check out her website.
http://lorieallison.com/

Monday Memories

How come we forget to say hi
Until we have to say goodbye
We always remember to snap selfies
But forget to capture true moments
I used to wonder if I was missed the moments
In pursuit of a picture
Until I searched for a picture of a moment
And didn't find one
And with those other pictures I scrolled through
The moments came flooding back

Like being almost perfect...make that good enough

 

Like our last Christmas at "home"

What running in a college meet felt like...a blur

The moment I knew he was the man I would marry

Yep, that was the one
HE was the one
Right there on a miserably cold hike
On a trail we were not supposed to be on

Walking down a bridge toward a future unknown

Learning what real teaching looks like

And wishing I could relive it again

Tasting victory for the first time in a while

Becoming a part of a new family

The family photo that wasn't complete without him

And will never be quite as complete again

Memories of front porch sitting

That time when he got down on his knee

And I said yes

And THIS FEELING

And TRUE DEEP stand-the-test-of-time-and-distance kind of friendship

And that first dance with THAT boy that won't be the last

Baby makes three

And one more makes four

But what about those moments not captured?
The ones that you can't quite grasp?
There is just a little taste
But you want more
Guess I need to take more pictures

Life in the Strauss House

Tonight I read The Seven Silly Eaters, by Mary Ann Hoberman, to Shea as he tried to fight off sleep. It paints a perfect picture of life as a mommy complete with very detailed illustrations of the chaos that is a growing family. We may only have two little munchkins but sometimes it feels like seven.  This little gem of a story inspired this peek into the Strauss house.

There is a couple, so they say

That once did live so far away

But from far to here they came

To Chattanooga to begin their game

It did not take too long to see

That she liked him and he liked she

Since the day he knew she felt the same

He knew he soon would share his name

And share he did, she became his wife

And slowly they began to build a life

And before her oven even held a bun

He proclaimed Shea as the name of their firstborn son

Shea isn't a name passed down through the fam

But instead reflects the obsession of a Met's fan

Now Shea may be just a regular son

In every way---except for some

When Shea was less than one year old

His favorite show was Jeopardy I'm told

He did not like cartoons like his peers

But instead "daily doubles" encited cheers

But Mommy and Daddy Strauss didn't mind

They found his obsession simply divine

When the show was over he'd sit on the floor

And look up at his parents and sign to them "more"

They'd take the remote from the shelf

And mumble softly to themselves 

"What a silly sort of way

Acts our goofy little Shea."

When our Shea was not yet two

We learned of baby number two

Was born---dear Patten, small and fair

With big blue eyes and nearly no hair

But before dear Patten could come home

Into the NICU he had to roam

Shea just did not understand why

He couldn't go home with this new little guy

He demanded Patten be removed from that bed

And promptly taken to "Shea's house" instead

A few days went by then they strapped Patten in

To his car seat that made him look far too thin

And it didn't take too long before

They settled in to life of a family of four

Life it got crazy but they didn't mind

Except Patten only would cry when they dined

All day long he stayed quiet or slept

And he was independent at all times expect....

For while his mommy and daddy were eating

That's when he decided that he would be needing

To cuddle, or cry, or eat, poop, or play

Or just about anything that would take them away

From whatever they had decided to cook up that day

His mommy and daddy shook their heads at each other and said

"What a silly needy sweetie,

Just as we begin our eating."

Now Patten grew, and Shea grew too

Til Patten was two months and Shea was two

And who was two months, why little Patten

With eyes dark blue and skin soft as satin

A happy baby, never cross

And his brother, Shea, became the boss

Shea he taught him all things crazy

As Patten laid there oh so lazy

And took in all the crazy things

That his silly brother liked to teach

Like wearing socks upon his hands

And where his batted wiffle ball lands

When hit with a maraca instead of a bat

Wearing a fire helmet instead of a baseball cap

And dancing correctly to the Nae-Nae and Whip

While demanding "no" and giving his parents lip

Their mom and dad looked down at Shea and said

"What are we going to do with you two,

When your brother starts doing all that you do?"

At times, a handful, were these two Strauss boys

With their mounds and mounds of Strauss toys

But all the cooking and the cleaning

Even left their parents beaming

They know it is worth all the mess and the stress

They look at their boys and know they are blessed

They hug each other and smile and say,

"Wouldn't have it any other way."

Today is Just Tuesday

Today is just Tuesday

Today I have no plan or significant words To share with whoever is interested

Or bored

Or needing inspiration 

I don't blog or write out of habit

Or necessity

I don't feel the need to post every day

Or every week

Or month for that matter

I am not making profit per view of my site

But if someone would like to teach me

I'm game for that 

I normally only write when I am inspired

Or angry

Or excited

Or hurt 

But today I am none of those things

Today is just Tuesday 

And for some reason I was compelled 

To share this nothingness with whoever

And something tells me 

Someone needs to read it

Maybe it's you

Or maybe it isn't

Today was nothing special

Nothing extraordinary 

Today I just taught

I just was

There were no breakthroughs

I didn't have all of their attention

I didn't have one of those

"That's why I'm a teacher" moments

No one made me lose my temper today

I didn't cry over someone else's pain

I didn't feel like teacher of the year

(Even though I had my day planned out

And an essential question on the board

Which is a miracle in itself)

But I don't feel like I failed them either

I picked up my boys

Hit the good ole Soddy Daisy Wal Mart 

For some blue and gray yarn

For my next afghan order

Got some seizure meds from Walgreens

Watched my son play catch

Read him a book or two

Fed my other son a bottle or two 

And wrote up this blog for you 

Maybe, or not

All this to say

Today was just Tuesday

And that is okay with me

I lived to love another day

Maybe tomorrow will be

More than just Wednesday

Or maybe not

Maybe it will be wordless

Or maybe filled with thoughts

Maybe I will be inspired

But tonight this is all I've got

But, I must say this guy is mighty cute.

...And this guy

July 2015...BITTER...SWEET

On this, the 20th day of July, the year 2015, I am mentally, emotionally, and spiritually OVERWHELMED!  This month has been a whirlwind for my country, my city, my family, and me. And none of us will ever be the same again, for better or for worse, and my prayer is for the former.
July 1st- the first day of the month of my due date for my second son. He was due to make his appearance on July 29th.
Needless to say, he wasn't willing to wait.

July 4th-a day our country celebrates freedom, and the day my son, Patten Turner Strauss, decided to join in on the festivities.

July 5th-Some friends and family came to meet Little Patten. He was alert and cuddly and cute and everything a one-day old baby should be. We told our son, Shea, that his new baby brother would be going to "Shea's house" tomorrow because all indications pointed in that direction. 

July 6th- Due to extreme exhaustion on the part of my husband and I (I had essentially been in labor and in and out of the hospital for at least a week), we took advantage of the nursury services offered by the hospital. We sent him off to the nursury so we could sleep a couple of hours at a time between feedings. It is hospital policy that all babies that are born before 37 weeks gestation must have a car-seat test. He was born at 36 weeks and 4 days. This is where they put the baby in the car seat for an hour and monitor their heart rate and respiration. As we slept, they strapped him into the car seat. It quickly became clear to the nurses he was not going to pass the test. His respiration rate went up over 100 breaths per minute. My husband and I were woken up by a nurse we had never met telling us our 2-day-old son had just been admitted to the NICU. This is what we saw when we walked in to see our little guy.

July 7th-

July 8th-

Later that day...

Fast forward to July 16th- On the way home from lunch and shopping with my mother-in-law and my two boys, I got a call from my husband who was working a kids summer camp at the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga. He said to go straight home and turn on the news but he didn't know any details. All he knew was there was an active shooter in downtown Chattanooga. I am sure you are aware of the shootings that happened in Chattanooga where 4 marines and one sailor lost their lives and many others put their lives on the line to make sure no more innocent people died at the hands of evil. They happened just a few miles from where my husband was working. We later learned that the shooter went to the same college as us at the same time. He was, up until the time of the shooting, living on the same street where my mom grew up.

Click here to listen to this beautiful song.

Today, July 19th-

As I sit in the comfort of my home and watch my boys play beside each other on the floor and type this post with my husband beside me on the couch, I can't help but be grateful for all that I have. I can't help but take a sigh of relief that we were not in the wrong place at the wrong time. I can't help but think about and pray for and hurt for those that no longer have their husbands, or sons, or fathers beside them. I can't help but worry about the mounting threats of more terrorism in the coming hours and days and years. I can't help but be sad at the state of the world that will be the expected norm to my boys if nothing changes. I can't help but pray that my boys be a part of a generation that turns from fear to peace, from doubt to hope, and from hate to love. I pray that my husband and I will find the words to say when our sons ask the hard questions like why did this happen, who could do something like this, why is life so hard, and why do bad things happen to good people? I pray this because these are answers I am seeking myself.

But through all of this sadness there is one thing I know...in the end all that matters is LOVE.

1 Corinthians 13: 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Finished Product Friday

Life has been crazy lately.  Being a stay-at-home mom is hard work. This 2-year-old is wearing this 34-week-pregnant-mom out.

He is nonstop energy, sweetness, entertainment development, and discovery. This makes me feel blessed to have this extra time one-on-one with my sweet little man to be a part of all of it. It amazes me how quickly he learns about the world that is so new to him. It is crazy to watch him go from the kid saying a word or two and us racking our brains to figure out what he is trying to tell us, to a kid communicating in sentences..."I watch Mickey TV please, Mommy?" "Mommy pitch gloves?" "I have more pop tarts, please?" "I sorry for hit, Mommy." "I love you SOOO MUCH!" 

But he is also a little frustration, confusion, crabbiness, whiny, noisy, aggressive, and rebellious. The whole terrible twos is not a myth. I wouldn't call him terrible by any means but his newfound independence has made him a little sassy. He thinks rules don't apply. He thinks anything and everything is his for the taking and messing and throwing. He thinks he can always have what he wants when he wants it. And when he doesn't get it, he thinks it is perfectly acceptable to hit or bite or cry to tell you just how much he wants it. And that makes me so tired, and frustrated and impatient at times. Sometimes I lose my temper. Sometimes I don't use MY inside voice. Sometimes I temporarily forget that he is still a new human just learning how to be a person, just as much as I am a newish mother learning how to be a parent. But I have also seen God building up in me more patience and calm than I had before. I am learning that I can't do it alone. I am seeing more of God's grace in the moments where I mess up and Shea turns out okay anyways. The times when I have to tell my little boy sorry for how I reacted and he hugs me and says he loves me remind me of my Father's love and forgiveness.

 There is no still or chill in this little one. But because he is more or less an energy drink in a 27-pound package, he is FINALLY taking decent naps. 

And what a blessing that 1-2 hours a day has been. Not only do I get to fight him for 15 minutes to stay in bed, but I get to spend the next 10 minutes or so singing and cuddling my little person and holding his hand until he finally gives up fighting. Then I get to do the other things I love, like crocheting and sewing. And thanks to that quiet time, here is what I have finished this week. Before this week I have been busy making memory blankets like these twin onesie quilts.

But this week I have been doing IN-MEMORY projects. A dear friend from high school sent me this message a little while back.

"Hey Meredith,

Hope you are doing well, I see you're expecting your second little boy is well. 😊 I have a couple of sort of special baby quilts I would like to have made I was wondering if you were possibly interested in doing them for me...I am expecting another boy in July, and my brother Alex is expecting his first at the end of August. We were both very close to my grandmother who passed away in 2008, and for as long as anyone can remember she was always wearing the silk pajamas. Not real silk of course just some kind of fake polyester. I have a pair of those and I would like to have a baby quilt made for both of our children that incorporated those pajamas into patches. nothing large just small baby quilts." 

So here is what she got. This is quilt #1.

Working on number 2 during today's nap if all goes as planned...which it often doesn't.

This is the second In-Memory project I finished this week...another mermaid wrap blanket.

This one was extra special, and here is why. This is the text I received with her custom order.

"Oh my gosh I have been looking for someone to make these for me for a year now! My best friend and I both shared a love for mermaids and she passed away last summer, our favorite colors were pink and purple and she loved lime green, could I possibly get one with those colors?"

I love how it turned out and so did she. 

I hope it brings her comfort. 

I would love to do more projects like these (or any projects for that matter), so message me here or on Facebook if you are interested.